SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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