i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
