do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize