i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
