Buhtt sex?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
