Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
A+ Viking dick
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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