yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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