i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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