Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
