nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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