I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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