bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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