good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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