I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
