I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
