You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
