WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
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