Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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