I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
