So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
