Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
