Everything about him screamed your future.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
