hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
