K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
