My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
