you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I had to cum in my sink.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
