Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
