The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
