Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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