btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
