Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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