There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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