matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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