Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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