Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
