i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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