if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
