census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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