you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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