i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
