I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
