even my farts smell like vagina
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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