Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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