if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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