god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
