Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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