I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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