at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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