Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
