just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
