I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
