do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
