If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
