We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
