He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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