I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
