Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
