final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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