I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
