I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
