She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
