I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
