What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
