It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
