Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
