rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
