i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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