I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
