Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
