if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
