I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
