I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just sent this text using only my big toe
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
