Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
