What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
