tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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