just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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