there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
