YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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