I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think people are normalizing furries
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
