Betty ford says i'm here all night
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
