My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
