I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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