Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
