I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
