Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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