Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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