I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
