o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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