My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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