DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
