ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
