I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize