Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
