I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
