I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
